April 8, 2012 by aubreedell
Yesterday, I laid on a child-size inner tube floating in aqua, blue salt water while the sun kissed my face. Amazed by God’s beauty, I began to think about my life in Haiti. Here I was relaxing with a priceless scenic view while an hour away my friends sit in their mud homes cooking over charcoal fires, and doing laundry by hand. Life here seems to be balanced on a scale with nothing in the middle. Many days over the last year and a half have been an extreme.
For instance, the beach. I stood with my toes in the white speckled sand and could take in a breath of fresh air. I could clearly see God’s artwork at hand. Days prior to that I stood with my toes in the mucky mud as a result of rainy season, holding Rose while we breathed in toxic smoke from the charcoal fires. Another time, I went to the beach, I passed a murder scene. Bodies were spread across the earth, and people standing around just staring. Then a half an hour later I arrived at a resort, with tourism screaming in my face.
Last Easter, I found myself riding in the back of a truck fighting for a man’s life. A week later I found out he didn’t make it. As I stood between Aaron’s truck and a police truck I turned around to tell Aaron, the gentlemen we helped had died and in the same breath he told me someone just gave NVM a significant amount of money to continue following what God has laid on Pastor’s heart. I feel this pull inside me that is broken but yet excited for what is to come.
It seems like when something happens here in Haiti, we get one day to mourn and after we sleep it is done and over with and we are to move on toward the next thing. A man dies and life stops for a few moments, but then a team arrives and you do not have time to reflect, to think, to cry. A child is born and we rejoice in that moment, that day, but then they become another mouth to feed.
I think of Haiti as a land of extremes because I do not have too many “normal” days. Yes, I have days where things are routine, but then I walk to the village and see just how vastly different this world is from the world I grew up in, and I am astonished. I am sure I have become hardened, or calloused to certain situations, but it still breaks my heart to see starving children, it still breaks my heart to see sick people that cannot afford healthcare, and will just die because of a lack of resources.
Today is Easter. In church today, Pastor talked about how we have earthquakes in our lives all the time. Some are physical, some spiritual, some medical, etc. When Jesus died on the cross the ground shook, and Jesus broke our bondage of sin and set us free. I trust one day I will know the answers to the questions that break my heart, but until than I will continue down this path God has set before me. A path that does not always make sense, a path that has extremes and leaves you feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable. I pray whatever earthquake that is happening in your life today you choose to take it to the cross, and lay it at Jesus’ feet.